You tell me not to cry
by:

You tell me not to cry and I blink to stop myself...but inside, I'm flooding with tears...drowning in my own fear. I just want you to hold me and tell me you love me and reassure me everything will be ok. I've lost control of myself. You now control every action I do. What happened to me? I was once so independent and dead set on the way I was going to live my life...now; I'm so scared and vulnerable. This can't be me. What's happened?

How could you do this to me? I was getting along fine...I really was. I was getting to the point where I was ok with not being with you, and then...then, you had to take my chin in your hand and turn my face towards yours and kiss me...and all those feelings, they came flooding back to me. You looked deep into my eyes and told me you loved me. Me? I was scared as hell. Were you serious...were you playing me? Why'd you have to say that?

I choked back my tears and state that you have a girl friend...and you kiss me again, smile and say, 'No, I don't.' I looked at you in a questioning way and ask you if she's aware of this and you tell me nope and smile mischievously. I wanna cry. So many things are going through my head. I’ve waited for this moment for what seemed like forever, but in reality was only about three weeks, and now…now, I’m scared.

Later that night, we’re outside and you look so cold. I want nothing more then to wrap my arms around you and cuddle you… but, I’m scared to…what if you push me away? I walk over to you and take your hands in mine and rub them. You look at me and smile. Damnit, that smile has won my heart over one too many times. I suddenly feel cold inside…even though I’m wrapped up in a jacket, gloves, a scarf, and a hat. I want you to hold me.

I know we could be together right now, I know we could…and I know we could be really very happy, but I know you’re scared. You can’t try and hide your emotions from me…your pain, anger, your love…I can see it all. After all, I have spent the left year of my life with you…and I’ve learned to understand you without you saying a word. Why do you have to leave? Why can’t you stay here with me forever? It’s what you promised me…forever.

I’m scared now, waiting for you to decide what you want. I hate being scared…you’re the only person in this world that can make me feel so scared and vulnerable…and I allow it. I hope you come back to me…I love you. We’re supposed to be together forever. Couldn’t we make the next couple of months forever? Please baby, come back.